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Q: How many flies does it take to screw
in a light bulb?
A: Two, but how the heck do they get in there?

Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A: A space Invader.

Q: If there are 5 flies in the kitchen how do you know which one is the American Football player?
A: The one in the sugar bowl!

Q: What did one firefly say to the other?
A: Got to glow now

Q: Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup?
A: Um, looks to me to be backstroke, sir...

Q: How do you keep flies out of the kitchen?
A: Put a pile of manure in the living room!

Q: Which fly makes films?
A: Stephen Speilbug!

Q: Why were the flies playing football in saucer?
A: They where playing for the cup!

Q: What is the difference between a fly and a bird?
A: A bird can fly but a fly can't bird!

Q: How do fireflies start a race?
A: Ready steady glow!

During a traffic stop a police officer is swatting at a fly that is circling around his head, and blurts out what kind of damn fly is that anyhow. The traffic offender replies, "that's a circle fly". The officer replies that he's never heard of a "circle fly". The offender replies circle flies are usually found circling around a horses ass. Enraged, the police officer says, "are you calling me a horses ass?", to which the traffic offender replied, "no sir, but you can't fool a circle fly.

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her
husband stalking around with a fly swatter

"What are you doing?"
She asked.

"Hunting Flies"
He responded.

"Oh! Killing any?" She asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked.
"How can you tell them apart?"

He responded,
"3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."


One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head.
The Englishman pushed his beer away in disgust. The Scotsman fished the fly out of his beer, and continued drinking it, as if nothing had happened.
    The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer, and
started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUR YOU ROTTEN FLY!!!!"


This guy walks into a bar, and sits down at the bar. There is a really good looking girl alone at the end of the bar. He catches her eye, and smiles at her. She gives him an icy stare in return.
    A little while later he tries again, and is rebuked. He calls the bartender over. "Listen, I'd really like to meet that girl, can you help me."
Sure says the bartender, "have you ever heard of Jewish Fly?"
"No, is it like Spanish Fly", replies the man.
     "Much better than that." Says the bartender.
     The bartender mixes the girl a drink, (with the Jewish fly of course) and gives it to her.
     A little later she smiles at the man. After a few more minutes and she began to lick her lips suggestively.
     The man walks over, sits down and says "May I get you another drink?"
     "No", she says in a deep sexy voice, "But you can take me shopping."


Back in the time of the Samurai there was a powerful emperor who needed a new head Samurai so he sent out a declaration throughout the country that he was searching for one. A year passed and only 3 people showed up: a Japanese Samurai, a Chinese Samurai and a Jewish Samurai. The emperor asked the Japanese Samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head Samurai.
The Japanese Samurai opened a match box and out pops a little fly. Whoosh goes his sword and the fly drops dead on the ground in 2 pieces. The emperor exclaimed: "That is very impressive!" The emperor then asked the Chinese Samurai to come in and demonstrate. The Chinese Samurai also opened a match box and out pops a fly. Whoosh, whoosh goes his sword. The fly drops dead on the ground in 4 pieces. The emperor exclaimed: "That is really very impressive!" The emperor then had the Jewish Samurai demonstrate why he should be the head Samurai. The Jewish Samurai also opened a match box and out pops a fly. His flashing sword goes whoooooooossshhh whoooooooossshhh whoooooooossshhh whoooooooossshhh whoooooooossshhh.
A gust of wind fills the room, but the fly is still alive and buzzing around. The emperor, obviously disappointed, asks: "After all of that, why is the fly not dead?"
The Jewish Samurai smiled, "Well, circumcision is not intended to kill."

This is taken from the Dr. James Dobson Bulletin for June 1998.
Have you noticed that children sometimes try to be helpful, but it makes your life more complicated?

I heard a story about a mother who was sick with the flu. Her darling daughter wanted to be a good nurse. She fluffed the pillows and brought a magazine for her mother to read.
And then she showed up with a cup of tea.
"You're such a sweetheart," the mother said as she drank the tea. "I didn't know you could make tea."
"Oh, yes," the little girl replied. "I put the tea leaves in the water like you do, and I boiled it, and then I strained it into a cup. But I couldn't find a strainer, so I used the flyswatter."
"You what?"
And the little girl said, "Oh, don't worry, Mom. I didn't use the new flyswatter. I used the old one."

Steve Martin and The Great Flydini ( Has nothing to do with flies but funny! )


Funny picture from our soldiers in Iraq.

How do you get a unicycle in Iraq?

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Julian Beever is an english artist who's famous for his art on the pavement of England, France, Germany, USA, Australia and Belgium. Beever gives to his drawing an anamorphose, his images are drawn completely diforms which give a 3D image when viewing on the right angle … see for yourself it's amazing !!!
Click for Link to Julian Beever website

Interesting & Amusing Fly Links

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Buzzing Fly Swatter, Etc.     Fly In Ice Cube Joke. Etc.
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